


All Thanks to You

by blxegansey



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Cabeswater - Freeform, Depression, Domestic Fluff, Drinking, M/M, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-16
Updated: 2016-12-18
Packaged: 2018-09-08 22:06:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8865133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blxegansey/pseuds/blxegansey
Summary: Ronan is going through a tough time adjusting after the events of The Raven King. Through Adam's help, he slowly pulls through it, emerging a changed person, an unlikely version of himself.





	1. Chapter 1

Ronan Lynch wasn’t okay. Ever since finding his mother’s body in the forest, nothing had been okay. 

After they had saved Gansey and were sure of the demon’s destruction, they had retrieved Aurora’s body- or what was left of it. Declan and Mathew had come back to Henrietta for her funeral, but had left for D.C. again soon after. It was easier for them, Ronan thought, they hadn’t found her ripped to nothing on a mossy blood-soaked ground.

For a while, everything had stopped. Everything was too much for Ronan to function properly, from Aurora’s death and Adam’s to Gansey’s death and Cabeswater’s sacrifice. 

He stopped living and merely existed.

He tried to dream, only to get trapped inside his head. He barely grasped at normalcy, clinging to bottles and dreams, and finally clinging to Adam. Slowly, with Adam’s help, he started adjusting back to himself, or at least a hollow version of himself. It was a long time until he smiled, laughed, and a much longer time until he cried. 

Ronan had dreamt and dreamt and dreamt, sneaking away from the group whenever he could, leaving at midnights to drive to where Cabeswater had been, just a green nothingness expanded in its stead. In his dreams, he ended up running into the haunting horrors of his mind or dreaming something useless or nonfunctional, but he kept on dreaming until he woke inside of a newly born- newly dreamt- Cabeswater. 

The mystical presence of the overreaching trees and their whispered salutations to the Greywaren, had left Ronan with a ecstatic, yet soulless smile. In a haste to inform his friends of his successful recreation of the forest, he had used his phone to text them, making it his second time to ever do that.

It was marvelous, seeing the relief and elation on their faces as they took in the sight of the magnificent forest standing in front of them once again. For one brief moment, Ronan forgot about his pain and joined them in their laughter, unconsciously he leaned against Adam, clasping his hands into his, shoulders touching.

 

That day, when he had dreamt Cabeswater anew giving it life when he couldn’t do the same for his mother, he had muttered to Adam, his voice drenched in his pain and nightmares, “I wish it could all be fixed like this,” in between his sparse silent tears and short Greywaren sleeps, “I wish I could fix it all with a dream.” 

Adam could only wrap his arms around him, comfort him with his presence and his touch as best as he could, There were no words Adam- or anybody else- could say that could heal that emptiness inside of Ronan. Adam had told him that time would make thing better, easier, that it would hurt less as days flew by. Ronan didn’t believe him, he wasn’t sure if Adam himself truly believed that.

He kept a facade for everybody, even for Adam. But when nobody was there to see it, his sadness seeped through his carefully kept front. Sometimes Adam woke up in the middle of the night to find Ronan curled up with a bottle or two in a corner somewhere in the barns where he thought he wouldn’t be found. Sometimes when visiting Cabeswater he just sat huddled between the trees, long legs and arms folded together around him as he let his tears run free. Sometimes he didn’t even try to hide it, sometimes he let Adam embrace him as he wept. 

In one of his more distraught days, he even let a worried Blue squeeze him into a hug and kiss him, Gansey and Adam taking turns to comfort him with tight arms. Even Henry got to hug him, albeit very awkwardly and with fewer words than the others.

He had imagined after Gansey, Blue and Henry left Henrietta, things would get harder. He wasn’t exactly wrong, but Adam helped him get through it, he helped him understand that he didn’t have to do it alone, that he didn’t have to carry the weight on his own.  
But Ronan knew he had to do it on his own, he had to go through his nightmares and monsters all alone. He couldn’t let Adam get hurt in the process.  
He couldn’t let Adam see his pain. So, he pretended and acted, he left his nightmares in his dreams. But waking up, he always found Adam holding his hands. Pain written plainly on his face.

 

\-----------------------------------------

 

“Cabeswater,” Adam ordered.  
“God, Parrish.” Opening his eyes to a sight of tangled flesh and sheets, Ronan regarded his boyfriend. “Didn’t anybody ever tell you that mystical forests don’t make for good pillow talk?”  
“But you need to-we need to do something about it.” Adam continued, not giving up his everlasting mission of helping Cabeswater. 

After their graduation and after Blue, Gansey and Henry had left, he had on multiple occasions attempted to plan and dream some sort of a protection for Cabeswater; but even with Adam helping him, he had been unsuccessful.

Until last night.

“No, we don’t,” He rolled to his side, facing Adam. He felt a smile creep on his face as he slid his fingers across his boyfriend’s bare chest. “It’s taken care of.”

“What do you mean?” Adam sat up, letting the covers fall around him, revealing more of his skin than he ordinarily allowed. A column of summer sunshine shone through the slant between the curtains, catching on his hair and highlighting his pale skin.

Ronan regarded him, his smile widening even more. “Last night, after you fell asleep, I dreamt something. And it worked.”  
“Oh, well.” Adam’s eyebrows unknotted. “What was it? How did you do it? Did you dream in Cabeswater or here?”  
“Don’t you already know it?” Out of patience, he looped an arm around Adam and pulled him towards himself.  
“Oh!” Adam exclaimed his annoyance as he landed on top of Ronan, their bodies wrapped around each other with only a thin sheet rumpled between their skins. “Oh.”

Their faces were merely inches apart, their chests rising and falling in unison, their hearts beating next to each other. Ronan looked into Adam’s eyes staring back at him.  
Adam slid a slender hand under Ronan’s head, fingers gently touching the nape of his neck, tracing the inked raven on his skin. He closed the distance between their faces, pressing his slightly parted lips against Ronan’s, who responded with a passionate kiss. His hungry mouth wildly meeting Adam’s as his fingers entwined themselves in Adam’s rumpled hair. Adam pressed himself to Ronan, skin sliding against skin as their lips plucked kisses.  
As Adam pulled away to catch his breath, Ronan trailed tiny kisses along his pronounced cheekbones. Reaching his right ear, he whispered in between kisses, his voice throaty, “Cabeswater can wait for a few hours,” planting a couple of soft kisses around his eye and a few near his earlobe, he whispered again, “The whole fucking world can wait.” He could feel Adam’s mouth widening in a smile against his cheek.  
Adam kissed the skin of Ronan’s cheek trailing down to his chin and neck, his shadow of a beard grazing Adam’s skin slightly. Ronan’s breathing quickened as Adam’s hands traveled across his heaving chest, his lips and teeth teasing along and leaving tiny green leaves in their trace.  
Ronan, now used to the sudden appearance of the odd flowers and leaves as a side effect of their make-out sessions, only groaned in pleasure, his hands brushing the leaves as he reached for Adam’s dusty brown messy hair.  
With a long muscled arm, he grabbed Adam around the waist, about to pull him up when a familiar cry of “kerah” coming from just outside the room stopped him.  
“Opal’s up,” Adam lifted his face, a trace of disappointment in his voice.  
In a matter of seconds, both boys had scrambled to their feet and were now in a substantially more decent state of undress. Just in time before Opal- unaware of what went on behind closed doors- walked in, a blanket carrying a content looking Chainsaw dragged behind her.  
“Kerah!” They cried in unison.

 

\--------------------

 

As they drove closer, the familiar wall of weaved branches and thorns greeted them. Weeks ago, they had managed to ‘wish’ that little barrier into existence with the help of Cabeswater. Ever since then, they had been attempting to figure out ways to keep unwanted people or demons from entering. They had already tried different kinds of fences and walls, but they had never succeeded at the magical variation. 

“This would probably hold up against demons and magical shit,” Ronan muttered as they passed the gates he had dream-architectured for his dream forest. Two larger-than-average, armor-clad knights at the gate let them pass with a magnificent curtsey. “Plus, Gansey would probably love this shit.”  
“Yeah,” Adam couldn’t help but smile at the thought. He almost crashed into one of the knights as an excited Opal circled him, cawing along with Chainsaw as they entered Cabeswater, two odd dream creatures each stranger than the other.  
“They’re all over the walls,” Ronan said, turning his neck slightly to face Adam.  
“How’d you do it?” His curious eyes reminded Ronan of Gansey The Scholar, always seeking explanations and logic.  
“I just dreamt them, and Cabeswater- well- ‘took’ them. It’s kind of like that albino Night-horror.” His fingers traced an overhanging branch as he passed it. The green leaves immediately changed to a raging hot red in response to Ronan thoughts. Adam moved closer to him, sensing his sadness and frustration, like roaring thunder hidden behind a grey cloud.

Walking by Ronan’s side, his hand brushed against his, fingers sliding into his palm. “Do you want to leave?”

Ronan turned his head slightly towards his boyfriend, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips. “No, it’s okay.”

But it wasn’t okay. Ronan hadn’t been okay for so long. He soldiered on, hiding his emotions, his fears, and his sorrows; forging himself momentary happiness. He dreamed on, expanding and strengthening the forest, his forest, their forest.  
In the end he was still broken, his sharp edges softened and corroded by hollowing despair. His snarky words were ever present, his deadly glares still cast around, and he kept on cursing and dreaming his way through days. But Ronan wasn’t okay.

“I swear, I’m okay,” Ronan bumped his shoulder against Adam’s, a faint smile widening on his lips. He continued as Adam regarded him warily, “I’m okay, Parrish. I’m better.”

“I’m better now, Adam.” He repeated in answer to Adam’s questioning look and raised eyebrows.  
He bent his head slightly, forehead pressed against Adam’s, a hand traveling the side of Adam’s face tracing his cheeks, fingers trailing the delicate line of his mouth. With an arm wrapped around his boyfriend, Ronan pulled him close, their bodies colliding, limbs intertwined, their mouths only a breath apart. Ronan pressed his lips to Adam’s in a turmoil of teeth and tongues. Then, parting his lips and pulling away slightly, he whispered against Adam’s lips, a fire in his eyes, a smirk on his lips, “I’m better now. All thanks to you.”


	2. Chapter 2

Crap. Crap. Crap! Ronan muttered to himself as he flung his arms around pacing the dark room overflowing with an abundance of dream objects. He tried counting the objects in an attempt to calm himself, but then he changed his mind and cursed the stupid coping method. 

He kicked a large pile, dangerously close to collapsing on itself. What was just a moment ago a collection of magazines, photo frames and combs, all the same color and all unreal and dream-made, was now transformed into a gargoyle shaped mass of feathers. The night terror opened its eyes just as Ronan lunged for the door he had just walked through.

Crap! 

He breathed a momentary sigh of relief as he managed to slip through the door and out of the beast’s reach. He was once more in the presence of a horror, one much worse than what he had just left behind, the most dreadful horror. The horror that he had once feared would come at the hands of another but he was now certain it would be his own doing.

He felt tears forming in his eyes as he regarded the corpse lying at his feet. Shreds of what had been once an arm, a chest, a leg was sprawled across the floor of the woods, a pool of crimson rapidly forming around the lifeless form.

Ronan felt the sorrow and desperation form in his throat threatening to spill out of him in tears. He forced his eyes shut, the tears running down his cheek. He had to remind himself again and again that this wasn’t real, that this was just a nightmare, a dream gone horribly wrong. He tried to convince himself in vain that what was in front of him was just a side effect of his imagination, just a mirage, a bad copy. Deep down he knew that Adam was lying next to him in bed safe and whole and healthy.

But he knew that this could be just as true, that he could just open his eyes and step out of his dreams to find Adam ripped to pieces and the bed bloody with his blood, that he could one day step into the Barns to find him with a bullet inside with a madman standing above him, that he could find him beaten to a pulp in the driveway his limbs lying limply at awkward angles around him.

He opened his eyes. The ruined body was gone; two teenage boys were standing in front of him, fighting, wrestling. The body of one landed on top of the other; the stronger triumphing, the weak thrashing hopelessly beneath him in a futile attempt of surviving as he was stabbed once, twice, three times with a blade flashing angrily in the hands of his assailant. He screamed in agony, his face distorted as blood spilled out of his torso. The knife-bearing boy grabbed the other boys’ head by the dusty brown muss of hair, fists landing forcefully to his face.

The boy on top stopped his violent attack to turn his ghostly cruel face towards Ronan. Ronan screamed as he saw the familiar face, his own face, his own eyes staring back at him smirking wickedly. The dream Ronan plunged his knife once more inside the other boys torso. Real Ronan screamed again in unison with the dream Adam.

 

\---

 

Adam woke up suddenly as he heard the scream coming from his left. Ronan, on his side of the bed, was fighting with the sheets. His face was wet with tears, his skin beaded with sweat, his torso rising and falling rapidly. Adam grabbed Ronan’s hand and gripped it reassuringly, with his other hand he touched the side of Ronan’s face tracing the rough structure of his cheeks.   
Ronan looked around, trying to determine if he had brought back any nightmares. The alarm clock, an average digital clock that acted like a grandfather clock with a bird emerging from it every hour- another dream object of his father’s- revealed the time to be 1:37. The room wasn’t that dark, the window allowed enough light for him to see every detail. He paid more attention to the shadows and the corners trying to determine if a creature- or a corpse- was hidden out of sight.  
Seeing no unwanted dream souvenirs, he allowed himself to relax, his rapid breathing calmed as he gripped Adam’s hand back, thankful of his presence and affection. A ghost of a smile traced his lips in an attempt to wipe the worry off Adam’s face.  
“I’m okay,” he whispered, touching his lips to Adam’s. He repeated, not taking his lips off his. “I’m okay, Adam. Just a fucking nightmare.”  
Adam relaxed, his shoulders hunching down against Ronan as the tension left him. It was as if every bit of worry and pain Ronan experienced was reflected in Adam. Ronan smiled a big hearty smile, touched by the realization of the way Adam cared for him.   
He kissed Adam near his eye, just above a raised cheekbone, he whispered in his left ear, a little nervous as he said it, “I got something for you,” he pressed his mouth to his to hide the tinge of shyness in his voice from Adam, “It’s sort of stupid, but-” he left the last word hanging in the air as he kissed his boyfriend once more and presented his left hand to Adam, who, in response, wrapped his hands around the clenched knuckle and opened it to reveal a small metallic object.  
“It’s too sentimental, I know.” Ronan muttered, cursing himself in his mind with each word he said, “I don’t know when I gave in to this whole romantic crap, but-”  
Adam cut him short, “What’s this?”  
“ What?” Ronan inched his face away from Adam’s reluctantly. In his palm was an obscurely-shaped silver object with barely any resemblance to what he was going for. “Oh, crap.”  
“Crap? That’s your idea of romance, Lynch?” Adam had a playful smile tucking at his lips.  
“No, you little fucker,” Ronan rolled his eyes and said, the word ‘fucker’ rolling off his tongue with fondness, “It’s a goddamn key.”  
“A key?” Adam echoed, his eyes fixed on Ronan’s, melting him in his place, the intensity of his presence rendering Ronan speechless for just a second before he could reply.  
“Yes, a key. A key to my home,” Again, he rolled his eyes at himself, at what he was about to say, “A key to my heart.”  
Now it was Adam’s turn to be speechless, but that wasn’t because he didn’t know what to say, just that he didn’t need to say anything. Keeping his gaze locked to Ronan’s blue eyes, he just closed his slender fingers around the tiny non-key and Ronan’s hand and covered the distance between them, placing his mouth on Ronan’s. For the first time, he wasn’t worried what might happen next, he didn’t pause to think of the outcome, he knew what was about to happen, what he wanted to happen.  
Ronan, surprised by the intensity of the kiss and Adam’s grip on him, toppled backwards almost falling to the floor but was saved by Adam’s hold on him. Adam chuckled into the kiss, making Ronan bite on his lip as punishment.  
Ronan, now in balance, curled his hands around Adam’s neck leaving ardent kisses along his fine cheekbone until he reached his hearing ear. “I love you,” he murmured against his ear then he placed his lips on Adam’s, kissing him more gently but just as passionately. “I love you, Adam Parrish.”  
Unsure of the effect the three words might have had, he craned his head away to see Adam’s reaction. His face, silhouetted by the moonlight shining from the bedroom window, showed confusion tinged with disbelief, but as Adam looked into Ronan’s eyes, his eyes staring ahead unwaveringly; he saw the honesty and solidity of Ronan’s statement etched into his expression, his face was lit with realization and relief.  
“I love you,” he whispered, resting his forehead against Ronan’s and planting consecutive kisses on his jaw and mouth, his hands wildly grabbing fistfuls of Ronan’s shirt.

 

\---

 

Through his adolescent years living in the Barns, Ronan Lynch had been witness to a great many peculiar things, he’d seen weird kitchen appliances working with no power, he’d seen paintings in his living room that were supposed to be in a foreign art museum, he’d even seen the devil himself. And he’d grown accustomed to the out of the ordinary in his home and there weren’t that many things left in the world that would surprise him.

However, what was now happening in front of his eyes was too weird a thing not to be shocked. Humming a happy tune, moving around in the kitchen purposefully was Adam; dressed in last night’s pajamas with a pan in one hand a coffee pot in the other, he stepped out of the kitchen and emptied the contents of the pan- sizzling hot sausages-into two plates and poured coffee into two matching coffee mugs- new ones, decorated with images of trees, as Ronan didn’t fail to notice.

It was unbelievable how much things had changed in the few minutes that he’d been in the shower.

Adam, noticing Ronan standing near the table, beamed a hearty smile, “Breakfast’s ready.”  
“Jesus, when did we become so fucking domestic?” Ronan snorted and took a seat at the table, not entirely unhappy with his new life.  
“Since the day you asked me to move in, I guess,” Adam sat next to him and tried to suppress a laugh, “So, blame yourself.”  
“Oh, I’m not complaining,” he picked a toast- then dropped it immediately as he almost burned his fingertips- and planted a kiss on his boyfriend’s cheek. “I love it.”  
“Where’s Opal?” he said in between bitefuls of sausage and eggs, the words almost intangible.  
“What? Oh, she’s gone to pick you flowers. I told her to get back soon for breakfast, but I think she said something about having breakfast on her way to the fields. I didn’t know how to stop her, though.”  
“Why stop her?” Ronan grabbed a toast, now cool enough to be eaten without any burns and blisters. “Let her have her fun, like we do.”  
“Are we having fun then?” Adam turned in his seat to face Ronan, one eyebrow raised.  
“We. Are. Going. To.” Ronan accompanied each word with a kiss on Adam’s lips, carelessly dropping his half-bitten toast.  
“Really?” Adam whispered, not really questioning the certainty of Ronan’s not-so-innocent plans. He leaned in his direction, his hand around Ronan’s neck as he planted a kiss on the corner of his mouth.  
“Adam?” Ronan responded with a deeper kiss, his slender fingers crawling up under the side of Adam’s pajama shirt, “I could certainly get used to all this domestic shit.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this might be it, the end or whatever. but if you liked it i'd love to write more. coz i really love writing this and am kinda really proud of it.


End file.
